Feeling a bit heartbroken today... I talked to my son in Canada today and he was expecting me to come home for his grade 8 graduation.. WE were unable to afford it even tho it is still 5 months away.. WE all know it.. since I got fired (for the first time ever) from the job that was supposed to get us there.. WE are barely scratching the surface.. WE are behind in rent barely scraping to get petrol and food month.. and yes.. we are going through IVF.. it is paid for my my DH's Brother..
he told me it would be ok to not go as long as I was there for his grade 12 grad which is 4 years away.. I told him I would be there I promised him and I will not break this promise.. Would be so much easier if he would just come here and be with us.. WE would only have to pay one air fare instead of 3.. and I don't travel well anymore.. When we got here my legs were so swollen and I felt like crap for weeks.. He had the choice whether or not to come here with us..we wanted him to come so fricken badly as we had hoped things would be great and we would be able to see him sooner then later.
I feel like such a bad parent at the moment really and truly.. a bit broken.. I mean here is my son a million miles away and here I am about to go through IVF in less then a weeks time.. how is that fair to him?
I wish someone would give me the answers as at this moment I see myself turning into my mother and that makes me very very... sad.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
IVF
So now I am playing the waiting game... I really am one of the most impatient people I know and having to wait to do things really is such a pain in my bottom!
So next week hopefully I will start jabbing my chubby belly with needles.. lots of needles.. Did I tell you I have a phobia of needles? Thankfully its not as bad as it used to be I atleast do not faint any longer when I come across one! After speaking to the Fertility Nurse last week my ovaries are apparently tired.. haha.. Well I am 37 years old almost 38! The rest of me isn't feeling that great either! But in all seriousness I am really hoping for a good result first time up as just cannot afford to do it more than once. My husbands brother is loaning us the money from the goodness of his heart (and his wives) so that they can see us with children of our own. I can never express the gratitude I feel over them doing this for us. All said tho.. we do have to pay them back and at this moment in time we are so far behind in everything because of what happened last october we aren't sure if we will ever catch up! (I'll talk about that in a future blog post for sure)
So anyways.. one week to go then it really gets exciting!
tata
Barb!
So next week hopefully I will start jabbing my chubby belly with needles.. lots of needles.. Did I tell you I have a phobia of needles? Thankfully its not as bad as it used to be I atleast do not faint any longer when I come across one! After speaking to the Fertility Nurse last week my ovaries are apparently tired.. haha.. Well I am 37 years old almost 38! The rest of me isn't feeling that great either! But in all seriousness I am really hoping for a good result first time up as just cannot afford to do it more than once. My husbands brother is loaning us the money from the goodness of his heart (and his wives) so that they can see us with children of our own. I can never express the gratitude I feel over them doing this for us. All said tho.. we do have to pay them back and at this moment in time we are so far behind in everything because of what happened last october we aren't sure if we will ever catch up! (I'll talk about that in a future blog post for sure)
So anyways.. one week to go then it really gets exciting!
tata
Barb!
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